The Pigeon: Simulator Switch Review
Sometimes a game comes along that’s whacky and fun and breaks the genre a bit to have you laughing at the absurd. The Pigeon Simulator is not that game. I was initially intrigued by the trailer and the outrageous premise of the game at first, and when it launched today on special for $4, it was a no-brainer for me to try out. What’s it Like? Peck at some birdseed, stretch out those wings, and… uh… prepare to be shot at by police as we review The Pigeon Simulator.
The Pigeon Simulator doesn’t really have a story or any form of narrative apart from a tutorial screen that pops up when you first start. The game follows the premise that you are a googly-eyed pigeon in a sandbox city and you for some reason can peck people, steal (some) cars, and shoot people with a variety of weapons ranging from a pistol to a rocket launcher. It’s a sandbox approach that seems like a good idea on paper, but in execution, it’s an absolute mess that provides almost no entertainment value and leaves you as the player wondering how you can initiate the refund process.
The gameplay offers only a few minutes of entertainment before tedium sets in, with awful controls and animations, combined with mechanics that don’t work, a stamina bar limiting your flight, and more bugs than you can poke a stick at. I’m honestly baffled at how The Pigeon Simulator was released in its current state with hyperactive ragdolls, broken physics, and gameplay elements that only sometimes work. There are no real challenges to collect things, or objectives to complete, or any point to it at all really. The Pigeon Simulator is practically a tech demo… except it doesn’t achieve any purpose. Once you’ve pecked someone and flown around for a few minutes, you’ve experienced nearly all there is to the game.
You can steal vehicles already on the road, but instead of anything funny happening, you simply disappear and take control of the car. There are no transition animations to speak of. Shooting is poorly implemented and executed, with aiming not actually doing anything and hit detection is wildly varied. Characters don’t react to being shot, simply drop once they lose their health, but even then sometimes they just die standing up. When you cause some drama, you will get a star-wanted rating like in GTA, and a bunch of police will randomly show up and try to shoot you. You can just fly off, or stand your ground and fight, it doesn’t really matter. The game also boasts a “resource management mechanic” which is literally a health bar and a frustrating stamina drain. You can replenish your health by eating food, and tacos can fill your “fart meter” which unleashes a delayed super attack.
Graphically, the game is a mixed bag that unfortunately just doesn’t do anything for world-building or immersion. For some odd reason, grass and dirt are shiny, 3D grass is not traversable, and the trees seem like they are bugged between all 4 seasons, making them look like hamburgers with weird artifices. The titular pigeon looks amusing with big googly eyes and the vehicles in the world also have an okay-looking Fortnite vibe, but unfortunately, the denizens of The Pigeon Simulator world look and behave terribly, sometimes walking backward, sidewards, and any which way but forwards. There’s also the odd issue of comic book-style sound markers that don’t actually synchronize with sound, missing their cues and flashing up repeatedly.
Don’t be fooled by the Eshop trailer and screenshots, nor the alluring promise by the developers saying their game is “a riotous adventure in the feathers of one plucky pigeon,” This is a sloppy title that doesn’t hit any of the marks it was aiming for. It looks and plays nothing like the trailer, it looks awful, has very limited entertainment value, and even on sale for $4, it’s hard to justify the price. There’s an old saying that sometimes you’re the statue, and sometimes you’re the pigeon, but unfortunately, when playing The Pigeon Simulator, you’re definitely the statue.
