What does Gaming mean to you?

Hey, you. You’re finally awake.

Bleary-eyed, I came to. I was in a hospital bed. The nurse told me that I collapsed and they may have found a blockage at the base of my neck on the C.T scan and we needed to investigate further. Confused, I looked over to my wife who was crying. I didn’t feel too crash hot, but I also didn’t feel like anything major had happened aside from fatigue and weakness, I was more confused and disorientated, and feeling a bit scared of what was happening around me.

The worst of things were yet to come, well after I left the hospital.

“The Brain Explosion,” as we call it, led to memory loss and confusion, as well as being in a constant state of anxiety and worry. I could remember some people, and some events, but like a corrupted hard drive, the data was incomplete.

I was unable to work and to try to get my hand/eye coordination back up to speed, I tried gaming. My wife knew I used to love Skyrim (which was still a relatively new release at the time, and she grabbed me a copy on PC in the hopes it would jog my memory. While it didn’t, I got to experience the joy of discovering the world of Skyrim all over again. I was so lost in the world which immersed me in the Nordic themes, political intrigue, and of course, dragons.

I got to experience the joy of discovering the world of Skyrim all over again

Combat was difficult so my wife had to fight my character’s way to town so I could play smaller roles in the world of Skyrim like being a traveling blacksmith. I would fast-travel between towns to buy and sell goods like a merchant extraordinaire, peddling enchanted weapons of the finest quality. I would have to send my wife into the Dwarven ruins to get as much scrap metal as she could before returning control of my character to me to make my goods and wares. My recovery became the most positive part of my stroke with my wife and I bonding over Skyrim. She would take notes for me and write them down on a notepad of things I could do in the game, what I needed for certain items, and quests I could do with minimal combat. I think I ended up getting about 300 hours in on my PC save which was almost exclusively played as a merchant/blacksmith. Like Lydia, my wife took an oath to carry my burdens to assist with my recovery.

The problem with having a life-altering health event is life moves on without you. So while my friends and family were amazing and by my side during the worst times, once you get back home they have lives to live which meant I spent a lot of time alone. Gaming became my escape from loneliness while I was in bed by myself all day. I also started a very early concept of this website as a part of my recovery as well to (poorly) write about my rediscovered love for gaming.

I got a 3DS to expand my gaming horizons and sunk my teeth into the likes of Pokemon, Mario, and Kid Icarus. I wasn’t very good at them, but enjoyed them thoroughly and when I was well enough to leave the house, I took my 3DS with me in the hopes of getting some cheeky Streetpasses. My friends all had the handheld console too so we would catch up and play Mario Kart, or even Moster Hunter and chat away. Eventually, I landed a job that kept me busy and gave me some independence back, and I still enjoyed some sneaky gaming on my lunch break.

I revisit Skyrim still from time to time, most recently with the Anniversary edition release on Switch. I still love Skyrim and it’s easily my favorite game of all time. Creating a new character meant leveling my blacksmithing again and while some see the grind as a chore, I was reminded of the times when my wife and I were cuddled together taking notes on blacksmithing recipes or her fighting Draugur and Dwemer contraptions to salvage scraps for my next armour set. While the traveling Merchant I used to be can now venture outside the walls of Whiterun, I still enjoy walking around the marketplace peddling my wares and filling my coin purse just as much as I like exploring the untamed wilds of the frozen north.

Despite making an almost complete recovery 24 months after the incident, I still carried my 3DS in my pocket for many years after which even wore an outline into the denim of my jeans. I think a part of me felt comfortable knowing I had a small part of my gaming world with me, much like whenever I visit Skyrim on my Switch, a part of me feels like I’m home. It’s these sorts of things that only gamers understand, and what I feel makes gaming so special.

What does gaming mean to you?